I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
