dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
