Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
