im drinking this country out of the recession.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will be naked everywhere
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
