Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
