I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
