If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
