We're facebook friends in real life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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