don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
