we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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