I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
