She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
