Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
