My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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