just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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