dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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