Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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