Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
