I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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