Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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