Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
