Come see our sink grown plant.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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