I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
