thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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