he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
