Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
