We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
