is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
