do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
