So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
