I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
