yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
