Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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