I wish my penis had an off switch
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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