Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
