actually, I'm a sock model
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
