I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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