you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
