I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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