Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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