If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
