why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
