Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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