If that was your dad, he is hot
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
