So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
