I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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