just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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