i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
