i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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