On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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