I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
